Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
strugglin
Just got out of my third ever Weight Watchers meeting, and with unpleasant results--I gained two pounds this week. I was prepared for this, considering that I used all of my points this week and was rather irresponsible about tracking, but it was still difficult to see. It reminds me, though, how important it is to keep going. I have chosen to change my lifestyle, and I have to hold myself accountable for the times when I slip into old habits or lose my focus. And the great thing about Weight Watchers is the week-to-week philosophy; I didn't lose this week, sure, but next week holds great promise, as does the week after that.
Regardless of the numbers, I find myself facing a familiar struggle this week. At my current weight, I can tell that I look very, very different from how I looked a year ago, and it makes me incredibly happy sometimes to just look at myself in the mirror and praise my accomplishments thus far. The problem, though, is that I still see the "problem spots" that I saw a year ago as evidence that I have a long ways to go. I still wear the same pants size (though the pants fit much more loosely now). I still have the same fear about wearing skinny jeans without boots, thinking that they'll emphasize my hips too much; or wearing leggings in public for fear that people will notice my big butt. On one side of the token, I'm incredibly proud of myself for how far I've come--on the other, I'm terrified that I won't make it to the finish line, and that if I do, I'll do it the wrong way and I'll never be happy.
I don't want my weight loss to be all about what I see in the mirror, or the size of my pants, but it would be absurd of me to pretend that aesthetics aren't a huge part of why I'm doing this. I want to have the satisfaction of knowing that I am no longer "plus-sized." I want to see what my body looks like at a healthy weight. I'm excited about those things. But that excitement comes with great hesitation--I don't want to become obsessed with my reflection, and I don't want to fall in to the pattern of casting negative judgments on my body the way it is. I want to be at once satisfied and forgiving with myself, while remaining motivated to reach a goal that will completely change the person I see in the mirror. And I can't seem to find a way to reconcile the two.
See the problem? Advise me, readers.
Regardless of the numbers, I find myself facing a familiar struggle this week. At my current weight, I can tell that I look very, very different from how I looked a year ago, and it makes me incredibly happy sometimes to just look at myself in the mirror and praise my accomplishments thus far. The problem, though, is that I still see the "problem spots" that I saw a year ago as evidence that I have a long ways to go. I still wear the same pants size (though the pants fit much more loosely now). I still have the same fear about wearing skinny jeans without boots, thinking that they'll emphasize my hips too much; or wearing leggings in public for fear that people will notice my big butt. On one side of the token, I'm incredibly proud of myself for how far I've come--on the other, I'm terrified that I won't make it to the finish line, and that if I do, I'll do it the wrong way and I'll never be happy.
I don't want my weight loss to be all about what I see in the mirror, or the size of my pants, but it would be absurd of me to pretend that aesthetics aren't a huge part of why I'm doing this. I want to have the satisfaction of knowing that I am no longer "plus-sized." I want to see what my body looks like at a healthy weight. I'm excited about those things. But that excitement comes with great hesitation--I don't want to become obsessed with my reflection, and I don't want to fall in to the pattern of casting negative judgments on my body the way it is. I want to be at once satisfied and forgiving with myself, while remaining motivated to reach a goal that will completely change the person I see in the mirror. And I can't seem to find a way to reconcile the two.
See the problem? Advise me, readers.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
oops!
Just a short update today, because I have to spend the next four hours of my life trying to learn how to operate table saws for carpentry crew against my will.
I have had two exhausting (but exceedingly wonderful) days in a row being back at school, and as a result I managed to sleep through my Weight Watchers meeting this morning. But I lost 3 pounds this week! I'm not quite sure how I managed it, but I'm quite pleased.
While I was home, I bought a new pair of goal pants, and I'm very excited to see if they fit next week! I'll post a picture if they do, of course. It's amazing the difference that losing two or three pounds makes at my current weight, as opposed to when I began this adventure...soon enough, I'll have to buy a whole new wardrobe. Can't say I'm complaining.
cross your cyber-fingers that I don't maim myself with carpentry tools,
Mandy
I have had two exhausting (but exceedingly wonderful) days in a row being back at school, and as a result I managed to sleep through my Weight Watchers meeting this morning. But I lost 3 pounds this week! I'm not quite sure how I managed it, but I'm quite pleased.
While I was home, I bought a new pair of goal pants, and I'm very excited to see if they fit next week! I'll post a picture if they do, of course. It's amazing the difference that losing two or three pounds makes at my current weight, as opposed to when I began this adventure...soon enough, I'll have to buy a whole new wardrobe. Can't say I'm complaining.
cross your cyber-fingers that I don't maim myself with carpentry tools,
Mandy
Friday, March 18, 2011
why being home sucks for weight loss
sorry for the delay--I wrote many drafts, but didn't feel like posting any of them. In major news, I've attended two Weight Watchers meetings in the flesh, and I'm really enjoying it. Plus, it works.
But for the present, I'm facing a serious dilemma: being in Cleveland. I love being home, seeing friends, and taking time to relax...but I realize now how different my lifestyle here is from my lifestyle in Ithaca, where I can't eat all of my parents food and go out to eat with friends all the time. I've been compensating with working out, but the harsh truth of losing weight is that working out can only do so much, and it takes a whole lot of working out to undo eating something you regret.
On the other hand, it has been great to get back to the gym. I took a serious break from working out steadily in recent months, but this week has reminded me how necessary exercise has been for my weight loss. I've been mixing it up a lot--running, biking, and the elliptical this week--and I think that variety might be the key to staying moving. I was very sore yesterday, but I simply took a rest day and got back to work today. I have a very good feeling about this.
Other than that, break has been good--can't believe I got to see so many of my homies-- but I'm equally excited to get back to Ithaca to enjoy the springtime scenery and the stars. Hopefully the snow will be melted so I can maybe, just maybe, go for a walk outside without worrying about ice.
cheers,
Mandy
But for the present, I'm facing a serious dilemma: being in Cleveland. I love being home, seeing friends, and taking time to relax...but I realize now how different my lifestyle here is from my lifestyle in Ithaca, where I can't eat all of my parents food and go out to eat with friends all the time. I've been compensating with working out, but the harsh truth of losing weight is that working out can only do so much, and it takes a whole lot of working out to undo eating something you regret.
On the other hand, it has been great to get back to the gym. I took a serious break from working out steadily in recent months, but this week has reminded me how necessary exercise has been for my weight loss. I've been mixing it up a lot--running, biking, and the elliptical this week--and I think that variety might be the key to staying moving. I was very sore yesterday, but I simply took a rest day and got back to work today. I have a very good feeling about this.
Other than that, break has been good--can't believe I got to see so many of my homies-- but I'm equally excited to get back to Ithaca to enjoy the springtime scenery and the stars. Hopefully the snow will be melted so I can maybe, just maybe, go for a walk outside without worrying about ice.
cheers,
Mandy
Monday, February 21, 2011
winter hikes
In addition to my love of salsa, I have, of late, developed a serious love for winter walks. Weight watchers gives a bunch of tips on the web site for how to get the most out of it, and the three most useful tips I've taken are...
1. Walk at a slow or moderate pace, because otherwise you'll bust your ass on the ice. No, really. You will.
2. Aim to wear three layers, and if you're too hot you can strip items off as you go.
3. Bring water. Wearing all those layers makes you sweat, and winter air can actually dehydrate you faster than warm air. I try to bring a little bag of some sort with me for water bottle, ipod, and clothes that I may want to take off/put on as I go.
....and last but not least, my PERSONAL tip is to bring something with you that is capable of taking pictures. I don't know where you guys choose to do your winter walking, but I often find that natural beauty is heightened by all the drama of ice and snow. I've been known to hate winter, but a tiny waterfall surrounded by snow? too beautiful to hate. I'll try to post some pictures next time I go for a beautiful winter walk.
So, in conclusion, I highly recommend winter walking--it's one of the only things I've found that makes these last few weeks (read: months) of snow bearable.
Think of it this way, if you wish (and ten BAJILLION points to whomever knows where one can find part of this quote engraved around Cleveland):
"I come into the peace of wild things
who do not tax their lives with forethought
of grief. I come into the presence of still water.
And I feel above me the day-blind stars
waiting with their light. For a time
I rest in the grace of the world, and am free."
-Wendell Berry
1. Walk at a slow or moderate pace, because otherwise you'll bust your ass on the ice. No, really. You will.
2. Aim to wear three layers, and if you're too hot you can strip items off as you go.
3. Bring water. Wearing all those layers makes you sweat, and winter air can actually dehydrate you faster than warm air. I try to bring a little bag of some sort with me for water bottle, ipod, and clothes that I may want to take off/put on as I go.
....and last but not least, my PERSONAL tip is to bring something with you that is capable of taking pictures. I don't know where you guys choose to do your winter walking, but I often find that natural beauty is heightened by all the drama of ice and snow. I've been known to hate winter, but a tiny waterfall surrounded by snow? too beautiful to hate. I'll try to post some pictures next time I go for a beautiful winter walk.
So, in conclusion, I highly recommend winter walking--it's one of the only things I've found that makes these last few weeks (read: months) of snow bearable.
Think of it this way, if you wish (and ten BAJILLION points to whomever knows where one can find part of this quote engraved around Cleveland):
"I come into the peace of wild things
who do not tax their lives with forethought
of grief. I come into the presence of still water.
And I feel above me the day-blind stars
waiting with their light. For a time
I rest in the grace of the world, and am free."
-Wendell Berry
i love salsa. i will put salsa on anything...most recently, the eggs with cheddar cheese that i made this morning.the only problem with this combination is that eggs have a surprisingly high "points" value, unless you eat only the egg whites...and i can't stand eggs without the yokes. solutions, anyone?
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Friday, February 11, 2011
a promise
good eve'n, interwebz.
i have just eaten a 1/2 lb cheeseburger and fries.
sooo...i have to go to the gym tomorrow. and i'm having the whole internet hold me accountable. so now, if i don't go to the gym, i will have to apologize to the internet for my misbehavior.
tgif.
Mandy
i have just eaten a 1/2 lb cheeseburger and fries.
sooo...i have to go to the gym tomorrow. and i'm having the whole internet hold me accountable. so now, if i don't go to the gym, i will have to apologize to the internet for my misbehavior.
tgif.
Mandy
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Starting Anew
I'm back.
but "I'm back" doesn't sound right when you want to start fresh, so I'll try again--
I'm here.
After posting with some degree of diligence on my "previous" blog, I left any remaining readers high and dry at the end of spring semester last year. At that point, I had just joined weight watchers and felt that I no longer had to keep the blog up in order to hold myself accountable for my efforts to get healthy. I considered the blog to no longer be relevant to what I was trying to accomplish. What's more, I was feeling that these days someone creates a blog every other day--as they should--and the existence of so many similar blogs somehow lessened the importance of my own.
I continued to stay mindful of foods that I ate and tried to keep exercising, but I simply lost motivation after a while. I'd reached something of a mental plateau. Of course, my commitment to resume the journey remained firm, but I just kept saying "it can wait until tomorrow."
By re-instating this blog, I hope to re-affirm my commitment to reaching my goal...but I learned from my last blog experience, and this blog will be different. I intend for this blog to be much more personal than its previous incarnation. I don't mean "personal" in the sense that I would use this blog to bitch about petty grievances. I want the blog to be a reflection of my perception of the struggle to lose weight in a world that tells you to do it for all the wrong reasons.
So, when I say "personal," I mean that I will be writing about my daily struggle to form an identity that is neither "fat" nor "thin". Because when you've lived your whole life defining yourself as "fat," and believing that others define you that way too, the struggle to break free of that fatness is far more psychological than physical.
The tone of the blog will definitely be different, because--and this is the most important part--I'm really not writing this for anyone but myself. My hope is that some people will read it, and that those people will read it because they truly give a shit...because I know there are a lot of other blogs out there to read, and mine probably won't have as many pretty pictures and flashing lights as the other ones.
I guess that's the long and short (but really just long) of it. I'm going to try to write every single day...mostly because writing on a blog, no matter how quirky or trite, is a better use of my time than being on facebook.
TO NEW BEGINNINGS!
Mandy
but "I'm back" doesn't sound right when you want to start fresh, so I'll try again--
I'm here.
After posting with some degree of diligence on my "previous" blog, I left any remaining readers high and dry at the end of spring semester last year. At that point, I had just joined weight watchers and felt that I no longer had to keep the blog up in order to hold myself accountable for my efforts to get healthy. I considered the blog to no longer be relevant to what I was trying to accomplish. What's more, I was feeling that these days someone creates a blog every other day--as they should--and the existence of so many similar blogs somehow lessened the importance of my own.
I continued to stay mindful of foods that I ate and tried to keep exercising, but I simply lost motivation after a while. I'd reached something of a mental plateau. Of course, my commitment to resume the journey remained firm, but I just kept saying "it can wait until tomorrow."
By re-instating this blog, I hope to re-affirm my commitment to reaching my goal...but I learned from my last blog experience, and this blog will be different. I intend for this blog to be much more personal than its previous incarnation. I don't mean "personal" in the sense that I would use this blog to bitch about petty grievances. I want the blog to be a reflection of my perception of the struggle to lose weight in a world that tells you to do it for all the wrong reasons.
So, when I say "personal," I mean that I will be writing about my daily struggle to form an identity that is neither "fat" nor "thin". Because when you've lived your whole life defining yourself as "fat," and believing that others define you that way too, the struggle to break free of that fatness is far more psychological than physical.
The tone of the blog will definitely be different, because--and this is the most important part--I'm really not writing this for anyone but myself. My hope is that some people will read it, and that those people will read it because they truly give a shit...because I know there are a lot of other blogs out there to read, and mine probably won't have as many pretty pictures and flashing lights as the other ones.
I guess that's the long and short (but really just long) of it. I'm going to try to write every single day...mostly because writing on a blog, no matter how quirky or trite, is a better use of my time than being on facebook.
TO NEW BEGINNINGS!
Mandy
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